better

I’m feeling a little bit better about myself and my future now.  Lots of things have happened since I stopped writing on this blog: several jobs, a move (though not like I expected), I’ve gone back to school for a Master’s Degree (in something), and we’re looking to move again in a few months.  Michelle is finishing up her internship, and considering jobs in the region (and out of it).

I’ll have more info later: I’m still working on some papers for class, and they’re due on Monday.

lost

i have no freakin idea what i’m doing.

i’m not the Substitute Preacher anymore. i might be again sometime, but not that i can see anytime soon.

i’m depressed, lost, tired, stressed.

scared.

A Surprising Source

 Everyone has a relative that forwards things, right?  Or, maybe you’re the one that forwards things.  Either way, I just got this email last night, and thought it worthy of posting.  I’m normally untrusting of forwarded emails, but I’ve researched this one at Ben Stein’s website and Snopes.com, and I’ve copied the actual text from Ben Stein’s site.  It was delivered December 12th, 2005.

what the….

The other day, someone found my site by typing “bite the head off a frog” into Google.

I just don’t know how to respond to that.

A cool church

I copied these from a church’s job listing, following a large section of very faith-filled history from a young and totally independent church. Not just non-denominational, but made-from-whole-cloth independent; no mother-church, no association with any order or association or anything that I can find.

And it’s just the kind of church that I’m looking for, and would love to serve in. Most people would think I’m crazy, being excited about a church that admits they have no money, no building, etc. But this church just seems exciting; I’m hoping and praying that God can connect my wife and I with this body of believers.

• We are not charismatic
• We do not emphasize the sign gifts – tongues, prophecy, healing
• We do not believe you can lose your salvation
• We do not want to be influenced by human traditions as found in the Catholic Church, Lutheran Church, etc.
• We do not want to be about “just getting people in the door”
• We do not want to be a “holy huddle”
• We do not want to be lazy or flippant with our faith
• We do not want a pastor that teaches primarily from the KJV

A Thought on Church Growth

As I was filling out an application today, I was struck with a thought.  I’m not sure where I believe yet, but I thought it fitting to share it and see what others think.

• A church should not grow to a size that it requires more than 2 employed ministers.  At such a point, it should instead ‘daughter’ a church with the resources, in order to spread the Gospel both through numbers and geography.

Thoughts? Comments?  Alternate Ideas?

The More Things Change….

Well, if you’re a reader of my Xanga blog, you’d know that change didn’t happen the way I was hoping it would.  No phone call at all, just an email 5 days later saying the PSC has decided to not pursue me as their next pastor.  So, back to the search.

It’s been hard for us.  We were excited about moving, about taking on new rolls in the community, about taking on new responsibilities and relationships.  It’s scary, too, thinking that God is going to do this, and then *blamm-o* He does something different.  It’s hard to not get discouraged; not just about the search, but about God.  If He doesn’t follow through with what He’s said He would do, what does that mean?

Is He real?

Did we all hear Him wrong?

Did He change His mind?

Did I/we do something wrong?

All I know is, if He doesn’t do something soon, I’ll be forced to work at Kmart or Lowe’s, or deliver pizza.  Or some combination of the three.  My unemployment runs out in a few weeks, Michelle’s quit her job at the church in preparation to move, and we have major bills that are due.

Please, come through.

Change

It’s coming.

Sometime tonight, I’m expecting a call that has the potential to change the life of my family in a profound way. This phone call will be made by the head of the Pastor Search Committee for Mt. Carmel Christian Church in Virginia, and will be to inform me of their decision concerning pursuing me as their new Senior Pastor.

It would be interesting to be referred to as a Senior Pastor, when I’m 5 years younger than the youngest Deacon on the Pastor Search Committee.

If the PSC decides to proceed with the process of interviewing/hiring me, Michelle and I would make 2 more trips down to Virginia, once for a formal introduction as a candidate for pastor, and again as a potential hire, followed by a formal vote. Then, we’d load up a moving truck and head south.

This job could mean lots of change for us.

• Steady, full-time, adequate income for the first time in our lives.
• The ability to budget, plan, and save. Also, the ability to fix our Nissan that’s falling apart, and to buy a second car. If I’m going to be able to get around to appointments/visitations/meetings in this town, it’d be better to have a second car. In order to fit in with the locals, it’d be better to have a small pick-up truck or SUV.
• Health insurance for the first time in 6 years
• Responsibility on a scale previously unknown. Along with the responsibility, scrutiny. As a pastor and his wife, living in the parsonage, we’d be living in a fishbowl whether we realized it or not. Everyone knows where we live, what our income is, and expects us to be available at all times of the day and night.
• Leadership. I’ve previously been the small-group leader of a student ministry, leading middle-school boys in discussions and Sunday School lessons. This would mean that I’m responsible for the spiritual instruction and development for about 50 people (currently), and for facilitating the growth, both spiritual and numerically, of a body of believers.

God, I know that you’ve led this process this far, from when I lost my job at the beginning of summer to this moment. I’m depending on You to lead the meeting tonight in Virginia, to let whatever decision is made be a reflection of Your will for this church, and for my service to You. Lord, my heart’s desire is to serve You through ministry with this church. I trust You to know best, but I fear my reaction if they decide against me. You have told us that we’ll be moving before the end of summer, and I don’t know how that will happen if it’s not to Virginia. Help me, Father.

Honestly, I don’t know what will happen if the church decides to look elsewhere for their next pastor. I also don’t know what will happen if they decide to continue pursuing me; but in a different way. If they continue with me, I have a vague idea of what the near-term process will look like. If they decide to stop pursuing me, I honestly don’t know what that will mean. I don’t know what I’ll question about myself and my beliefs. I want to say that no matter the outcome, I’ll believe that God knows best. But I don’t know how solid my belief in You will be if we’re still living here in October, after being told so clearly that we’re moving in September.

100 Things I’ve Learned the Hard Way as a Senior Pastor

I read this list from this blog, and I found it through this one. Below are some of the ones that I felt led to re-post at my own site, to serve as reminders to myself.

From RealLivePreacher.com

An Essay about old things. I aspire to write on this level.