I’ll have more info later: I’m still working on some papers for class, and they’re due on Monday.

i’m not the Substitute Preacher anymore. i might be again sometime, but not that i can see anytime soon.

i’m depressed, lost, tired, stressed.

scared.

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:

I guess that’s a sign that I’m getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

I just don’t know how to respond to that.

And it’s just the kind of church that I’m looking for, and would love to serve in. Most people would think I’m crazy, being excited about a church that admits they have no money, no building, etc. But this church just seems exciting; I’m hoping and praying that God can connect my wife and I with this body of believers.

• We are not charismatic
• We do not emphasize the sign gifts – tongues, prophecy, healing
• We do not believe you can lose your salvation
• We do not want to be influenced by human traditions as found in the Catholic Church, Lutheran Church, etc.
• We do not want to be about “just getting people in the door”
• We do not want to be a “holy huddle”
• We do not want to be lazy or flippant with our faith
• We do not want a pastor that teaches primarily from the KJV

It’s been hard for us.  We were excited about moving, about taking on new rolls in the community, about taking on new responsibilities and relationships.  It’s scary, too, thinking that God is going to do this, and then *blamm-o* He does something different.  It’s hard to not get discouraged; not just about the search, but about God.  If He doesn’t follow through with what He’s said He would do, what does that mean?

Is He real?

Did we all hear Him wrong?

Did He change His mind?

Did I/we do something wrong?

All I know is, if He doesn’t do something soon, I’ll be forced to work at Kmart or Lowe’s, or deliver pizza.  Or some combination of the three.  My unemployment runs out in a few weeks, Michelle’s quit her job at the church in preparation to move, and we have major bills that are due.

Please, come through.

Sometime tonight, I’m expecting a call that has the potential to change the life of my family in a profound way. This phone call will be made by the head of the Pastor Search Committee for Mt. Carmel Christian Church in Virginia, and will be to inform me of their decision concerning pursuing me as their new Senior Pastor.

It would be interesting to be referred to as a Senior Pastor, when I’m 5 years younger than the youngest Deacon on the Pastor Search Committee.

If the PSC decides to proceed with the process of interviewing/hiring me, Michelle and I would make 2 more trips down to Virginia, once for a formal introduction as a candidate for pastor, and again as a potential hire, followed by a formal vote. Then, we’d load up a moving truck and head south.

This job could mean lots of change for us.

• Steady, full-time, adequate income for the first time in our lives.
• The ability to budget, plan, and save. Also, the ability to fix our Nissan that’s falling apart, and to buy a second car. If I’m going to be able to get around to appointments/visitations/meetings in this town, it’d be better to have a second car. In order to fit in with the locals, it’d be better to have a small pick-up truck or SUV.
• Health insurance for the first time in 6 years
• Responsibility on a scale previously unknown. Along with the responsibility, scrutiny. As a pastor and his wife, living in the parsonage, we’d be living in a fishbowl whether we realized it or not. Everyone knows where we live, what our income is, and expects us to be available at all times of the day and night.
• Leadership. I’ve previously been the small-group leader of a student ministry, leading middle-school boys in discussions and Sunday School lessons. This would mean that I’m responsible for the spiritual instruction and development for about 50 people (currently), and for facilitating the growth, both spiritual and numerically, of a body of believers.

God, I know that you’ve led this process this far, from when I lost my job at the beginning of summer to this moment. I’m depending on You to lead the meeting tonight in Virginia, to let whatever decision is made be a reflection of Your will for this church, and for my service to You. Lord, my heart’s desire is to serve You through ministry with this church. I trust You to know best, but I fear my reaction if they decide against me. You have told us that we’ll be moving before the end of summer, and I don’t know how that will happen if it’s not to Virginia. Help me, Father.

Honestly, I don’t know what will happen if the church decides to look elsewhere for their next pastor. I also don’t know what will happen if they decide to continue pursuing me; but in a different way. If they continue with me, I have a vague idea of what the near-term process will look like. If they decide to stop pursuing me, I honestly don’t know what that will mean. I don’t know what I’ll question about myself and my beliefs. I want to say that no matter the outcome, I’ll believe that God knows best. But I don’t know how solid my belief in You will be if we’re still living here in October, after being told so clearly that we’re moving in September.

100 Things I’ve Learned the Hard Way as a Senior Pastor

David Slagle (an A29 brother) was kind enough to share these pithy insights on being a pastor:

100 Things
I’ve Learned the Hard Way as a Senior Pastor
That I’ve Never Read in a Book
by Jim Jackson

1. Thirty percent of a senior pastor’s job is conflict resolution; unfortunately healthy arbitration does not guarantee a healthy response.
2. The conventional wisdom is usually wrong.
5. Sheep bite.
9. People often fail in ministry because they never learn to say the four “magic” words: “I need your help.”
10. You cannot do ministry in isolation; you need a support system made up of people you trust and to whom you are willing to be accountable; if you get singled out you get picked off.
13. Write a staff mission, vision and core values statement and have everyone who joins the staff sign them with their blood.
14. Communicate to your staff that it is okay to fail, but it is not all right to punch holes in the boat below the water line.
18. Develop a Kingdom mentality; the pastor down the street is not your competitor; this pastor is your brother/sister and deserves your prayers, encouragement, and collaboration.
19. Ministry is not finding needs and filling them; it is helping people to identify their spiritual gifts and deploying them in ministries that are fulfilling.

20. Prayer ministry is the most vital program priority in every church.
22. Put your vision in concrete and your methods in sand.
23. The style of preaching that communicates today is Biblical, relevant, and confessional; it is best delivered without notes.
24. Effective pastors have a teaching ministry as well as a preaching ministry.
26. Resources follow vision; where there is vision there will be provision.
29. The two most dangerous emotions senior pastors wrestle with are fear and cynicism.
31. A senior pastor must have a high tolerance for chaos.
32. One of the most important skills to develop is how to ask the right questions.
33. People are never as strong as you think they are or as weak as you think they are.
39. Set a goal to write down 10 sermon ideas and/or illustrations every day; develop a system of keeping up with these resources; preparing sermons will then be more about culling material than finding material.
40. If you have to choose between failing your family or your congregation, always fail your congregation; your first ministry is to your family.
42. The senior pastor is the most morally vulnerable person in the congregation; if Satan can destroy the pastor, evil will prevail in the congregation.
43. If you are not intentional about your devotional life, it will be sacrificed on the altar of busyness; burnout occurs when you are doing more ministry than your spiritual life can support.
47. As you do ministry, remember: you are not the Holy Spirit; it is your job to love people, not to convict them of their sins.
51. Most pastors are atheists until 10:00 AM on Monday; make no major decisions before Monday noon.
53. Moral purity and spiritual integrity are more important than good theology and professional ability.
54. If you’ve got to bite the head off a frog, don’t spend a lot of time looking at it; if you’ve got to bite the head off two frogs, bite the biggest one first.
56. Every senior pastor needs a mentor and needs to be a mentor.
62. Don’t be ashamed about going to a therapist.
63. Have a family night at home with your family each week; guard it militantly.
64. Spend an hour a day, one day per quarter, and a week a year in silence and solitude; the best place to do this is at a Roman Catholic monastery or retreat center.
67. Never give up hospital visitation no matter how busy you get.
77. You are not the last Senior Pastor your church is going to have; you are just the temporary steward of the church to which Christ has assigned you.
78. God is not likely to do a great work through you until God does a great work in you.
81. All the people who are looking for a church with a boring, lethargic worship service have already found it.
83. A woodcutter never wasted time by sharpening his/her ax.
84. Recognize people in public; reprimand people in private.
85. Successful people are early risers.
89. No Senior Pastor has time to be a counselor; find a therapist you trust and refer people.
92. Never steal sheep, but always grow grass.
94. When you walk into a room and someone says, “Hey, preacher,” it is not a greeting; it is a warning.
98. You are ready to preach when after preparing you can pray, “Lord, if it takes making a fool of me for You to communicate Your Word, I’m willing.”